Itinerary for Kids Visiting Me This Summer


My niece and nephew are coming this week for a vacay a la Aunt Deb. Their mother has asked me for an itinerary. haha. This is what I sent her…

July 2- Arrive at unGodly hour at far away airport after all restaurants have closed. Make certain to point out new gambling casino as we drive through worst neighborhood in city. Maybe stop if kids look too awake.

July 3- Drive them to another State so they can say hello and spend night 1 with other relative. Arrive home in time to panic about not remembering to get illegal fireworks and burn ointment from across State line.

July 4- Kids arrive again!  If they get in on time, river rafting or kayaking down Gunpowder. Peaceful. Work in joke about kayaking vs ki-yacking (big laugh).

Al fresco Dinner, fried chicken etc. Get everyone a Make America Great Again hat.

Dog Bite incident. Sparkler incident. Sangria incident. Holiday trifecta!

July 5- Daily routine begins. Change bandages. Tell everyone they missed breakfast. Look for snakes, spiders etc before sitting down to  lunch. Explore

Reading 1 hour, Art for 2 hours

Mixology classes begin

River, dogs, snakes, bees, sleep

July 6-7 same thing. May throw in local carnival and a coke.

July 7- get to cousin Mark’s house, later than we promised but in time for dinner.

July 8- Dont believe it when they tell you that you missed breakfast!

Fight to establish order. Win! Reinstate Daily Routine. Add 1/2 hour of tennis and 45 mins of talking about playing squash. Dress for squash and then realize that mixology classes are NOW. Swear to begin tomorrow. Do this for 3-4 days.

July 12- Fly to California. Bummer we could not get tickets together. Will be picked up by Fabulous Cousin Celeste…

July 13- Watch cousin Robby win a golf tournament. He is pro now. Hang out in Pro Shop with fabulous Cousin Celeste.

July 14- Explore Palo Alto, go to Creamery, set impossible expectations by touring Stanford. Tell them they are smart (important!) Quote Newton or someone – also look smart (important!)

Later take hike in mountains.

Apologize about small wildfire everywhere you go with fabulous Cousin Celeste.

July 15- Call very busy and important brother and spring on him that I am in California. Note: Use a local number so he picks up.

Sincerely apologize about wildfire that really should be out by now. Mention how windy it is.

July 16- Get up early. Volunteer to help fire brigade.

July 17- Continue daily routine- keep reading and asking questions!

July 18- Arrive at Fabulous cousin Celeste’s house in Santa Cruz.

Watch cousin Thomas surf. He is very good. Apply shark repellent. to kids.

July 19- Beach day- apply shark repellent a bit more liberally today. Probably best if Grafton does not go back in the water.

July 20- Monterey Bay Aquarium. Terrific conservation lectures (avoid). Go directly to Otter Exhibit. Check to see if OK Mexican restaurant or cute french restaurant are still open in town. Check our Castro, buy garlic- send to everyone- haha.

July 21-24 Check out Santa Cruz hippie stores…See cousin Cammie’s yurt.

Take day trip to find Aunt Deb’s friend Kent. he lives on Marijuana Mountain (look up real name for GPS). Call Kent and get the drug cartel password (important). Mention to Kent that he needs to come home and is only supposed to have 10 plants. Explain everything in detail to the kids.

July 25- Issue formal apology about small wildfire on behalf of the kids. Put Grafton in the front with crutches. Allow Jillian to wear make-up that day!

July 26- Fly home early as brother has moved you to first class if you leave today

July 27- Arrive home- see plastic surgeon about Grafton shark bite. Have him also remove before unseen piercing from Jillian. resume Mixology classes and wait for mom.

Rinse off kids and repeat in 365 days.







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